Epiffles at Dawn

I had two thoughts just now that struck me as important:

1) I don't ever sleep. Ever. I pass out sporadically, and that's as close as it comes.

2) "Epiffles" should be a word. An epiffle is a fleeting thought that feels like an epiphany, but is really just gas, drugs, lack of sleep, overabundance of cheesy movies, just the right balance of Deepak Chopra and Noam Chomsky, or some combination therof.

I'm pretty sure item one is an item two.

According to Webster's Dictionary...

It has come to my attention that most people don't know what an epistle is. Rather than flex my lexical (?) muscles, I'll let my good friend Noah Webster handle this one.

e·pis·tle Audio pronunciation of "epistle" ( P ) Pronunciation Key (-psl)
n.

1. A letter, especially a formal one. See Synonyms at letter.
2. A literary composition in the form of a letter.
3. Epistle Bible.
1. One of the letters included as a book in the New Testament.
2. An excerpt from one of these letters, read as part of a religious service.


That asshole Webster is charging to use his site, which isn't even as good as dictionary.com. So that's where this is from. Be that as it may, I hope this has cleared up any confusion.

Dear Readership,

I felt it was only fair, at least once, to favor you with a post written in letter format. Seeing as how this blog is called Epistles at Dawn, and especially since that's a rather poor pun, a letter would be the only way to salvage this thing. So how are you? The kids? Did Suzie make the cheerleading squad? Is Billy still self-conscious about being a severe hydrocephalic? How's that new hip working out for you?
As for me, I've been chillin'. Illin'. Not really maxin' too much, but curiously enough, a lot more co' relaxin' these days. The other day someone told me to chillax, and I said , dude, I'm chillin' and co' relaxin': I don't need to chillax. You chillax. Biznatch.
So in summary, it's time to Bork this Roberts fellow. I'm serious: we need to Bork the shit out of him.

Fondest Wishes,

Son of a Fish