Dammit Internet, be more funny!

Yes, yes, there's a Funnyordie.com, Adultswim.com, Collegehumor, Break, Ebaumsworld, JibJab, Cleanguys.com (snicker), and good ol' YouTube, but is it just me, or have these sites lost their luster?

Traffic would indicate that no, they haven't, and I'm just a disgruntled curmudgeonly misanthrope. But I don't think traffic is a good metric; in fact, I would argue that increased traffic is a sure sign that the general quality of their content is going down. Here's the equation: the more content a site has, the more traffic it gets. With sites like YouTube this is especially true, since the content is being created AND promoted by thousands of individuals. An increase in contributors, though, means that a number of people are posting content that is essentially garbage, with very little entertainment value. In addition, in order to produce massive amounts of content, the cost of the content must perforce go down. And with lower costs must come lower production values. From the perspective of these sites, this is an acceptable, even desirable equation. Push the content, maximize impressions, cash in.

So what's the solution? I haven't thought it out that far. I've already made the problem worse by writing a severely unfunny post. It's also difficult to avoid YouTube, which is simultaneously the definitive source for video on the internet and the most egregious offender. I'd say that we can all help by vetting ourselves. Don't post garbage on your blog. Don't watch pointless kick-in-the-balls videos or man-fall-down fare. In short, the only way we can force content providers to give us the funny is by ignoring the asinine.

George Carlin, RIP

Shit, George Carlin is dead. I'm pretty pissed, as I think being pissed is the only adequate tribute.

Fuck me, this is a blog, not an obituary section. As much as I respected Russert, George Carlin was more than a stand up comedian, he was an institution. The influence he had on the art of comedy cannot be expressed in a format so crude as this. I'd probably sound like more of cunt than I already do just trying.

The thing that really burns me, though, is all the little cocksuckers who want to get into comedy and don't even know who he is. In the end, though, the people who loved his comedy, not just because he was a funny motherfucker, but because they connected with it, they- we- are the ones who will keep his legacy alive. Tits.

Sundays without Big Russ

So you probably know by now that Tim Russert, the host of NBC's Meet the Press and one of the more bearable talking heads in the list of celebrity journalists. I'm sure he'll be equally remembered for big stories like the Plame scandal as well as his quirks of character, like his stupid little white board. I'm not much of a eulogist, and to be fair I'm not even a regular MTP watcher, but one thing is certain, and certainly sad: though he one of very few reputable journalists with a huge audience, his slot will almost certainly be filled by a loudmouth windbag like Lou Dobbs or Bill O'Reilly. Fuck.

A word on the new header

Yes, I incorporated the horrible visual pun into the new header, but when you take into account that the title of the blog is already a reasonably bad pun, sticking to my guns can only help at this point. Um, no pun intended.

On another note, I spent way too much time on this, but starting from scratch was necessary in this case. All of my original files of the header were lost long ago and I couldn't find the primary material (the stuff with the dueling guys) anywhere on the internet. As it is, I still don't know who the artist is. Ok, I think there's going to have to be a part 2 to this, because there is a quite a bit to say about the image, and I'd prefer to do it justice. Here it is:



I will say that there are still many flaws in the redesign, mainly due to haste, and a lot of stuff i wanted to steal or crib from the image, but i'm impulsive. I sure hope it's public domain.

Brave Men Run on Boing Boing

My fellow slave and DIY posterchild Matt Selznick recently released his book, Brave Men Run, in various formats, and Boing Boing picked up the story! Super sweet. Go Matt.

As for you, you should go download the book in your format of choice. You can listen to it as a podiobook, read it at your leisure as a PDF, or netjack it straight to your brain. I'm not kidding. Ok, I am, but still, do it.

Just what we needed: more Smurfs

Sony Pictures announced that they will be working on live action / animation hybrid film about the Smurfs. Yeah, the Smurfs, the little blue men with stupid round tails and very limited vocabularies. I always thought it was a weird setup: kind of a communist dictatorship (Papa Smurf is the leader) with an entirely barter-based economy.

Smurf sexuality has also baffled me for quite some time: as two henchmen on the Venture Brothers were arguing about, it's hard to tell if they're mammals or not. If they were, Smurfette would have to be in heat 24-7, but it would be difficult to deliver that many similarly-aged smurfs with a single female if they weren't birthed as a clutch of eggs. Nonetheless, I have to side with the mammal argument, because as one of the henchmen pointed out "[Papa Smurf] has a fucking beard!"

I sincerely doubt any of these concerns will be smurfed upon in the movie.

I thought we had ankled these blue buggers ages ago, but given Hollywood's obstinacy toward coming up with new ideas, it shouldn't come as a surprise that they resurrected the Smurfs. Where's Gargamel when you need him? Makes me wonder whether we won't see a Shirttails or Snorks movie any time soon.

One good thing that came out of this for me post, though, was finding this awesome Smurf redesign. I did a Google image search for "zombie smurf" (get it? resurrecting the Smurfs? hahahahhahaaha.... ahh.... fuck you.) and was unable to find something suitable, but i couldn't help but notice this awesome image. If they looked like this, I might be on board.

More Kennon James artwork here.
More info on the Smurfs movie here.

One act of kindness

My purpose is not to gripe, but for me to get to the point, I have do expound a little bit on a few topics that are going to sound like I'm griping (which I'm not). Please, read on.

For the second time in a month, my car broke down. First one, then yesterday its replacement. I subsequently have to ride the bus to work, which is itself no picnic. I don't think it would be professional of me to voice my opinions on that, so the less said the better. In any case, it's been a difficult day.

In any case, on the way home I have to take two buses, so I need a transfer from the first bus. I didn't have correct change, so I was unable to purchase the transfer. I called my girlfriend to ask her to pick me up from the second stop, but because of some crazy parking conditions near our place, she couldn't come. It sort of felt as though nothing would go right for me.

As I was getting off the bus, the driver beckoned to me. He slipped a transfer into my hand and said "it's good until 7:30." I gave the man my heartfelt thanks and smiled. That's when I realized that it was the first time I've smiled today.

I won't belabor the point any more, I just want to encourage anyone reading this to practice random acts of kindness. Yes, I know I sound like Oprah. Even so, the power of your own humanity is much greater than you may think. You probably already know all the BS people spout about this topic, saying it makes the place a better world and other nonsense. That's immaterial. The point is that it'll make you feel good, and it's the fucking right thing to do. We only get a limited number of opportunities in life to prove to ourselves that we are indeed human, not ants navigating around each other on our narrow little paths. Don't waste the opportunities, it could make a big difference to someone. You. Others. Does it matter to whom?